Warning... I've gone a bit ranty and "woe is me" is the runnning theme of this post...
Wednesday, Aug. 30, 2006 12:07 am
Check out my website:
Wednesday, Aug. 30, 2006 12:07 am
Check out my website:
Warning... I've gone a bit ranty and "woe is me" is the runnning theme of this post...
I am really depressed tonight...
We are in a pretty deep hole financially and I don't know how to get us out of it. I have been looking at where we can cut things from our budget. We don't eat out anymore, we don't buy stupid things. Hell all three of my kids need clothes for the fall and I haven't even bought THEM anything... We have cut our groceries down to the minimum we can live on... I am going to ask to have our cable disconnected tomorrow, which stinks because the witchling watches a lot of discovery channel and animal planet to get ideas for science projects, but we just can't afford it. I am going see if they can suspend it for a few months until we can get caught up. We are also going to see about heating assistance, because we are still struggling to make payments on our gas bill from last winter! I don't know what will happen when we have to start adding new heating costs in...
Sigh.
I have been daydreaming about giving the car up. I wish we could. We work so hard to make that payment every month... We have never ever missed one, even if we can't afford to pay our electric or are worrying about food, that stupid car note gets paid. Because I co-signed with my mom, and I don't think it would be fair to get her credit screwed up too... We could afford to pay our bills AND buy food if we didn't have that fucking car note...
We could afford to buy our kids clothes for the fall if we didn't have that fucking car note...
That fucking car isn't even working properly... It keeps stalling and sometimes just won't start. And we can't even afford to get it fixed... But we pay the fucking car note. I am so afraid that the stupid car is just going to up and die one day... But we'll still have to pay for it another three years.
Scary.
Sometimes I think I should go out and get a job. Throw my kids in daycare and school and go to work. Then we would be a two income household and wouldn't have to struggle.
I hate that. I hate the thought of not being with my kids, of not getting to be a part of their day. But at least life would be easier, I think to myself.
I run with this for a while, trying to figure out what sort of job I could get with little to no skills... With most of one year of college and hardly any experience at all...
James brought up the point that daycare is expensive and I wouldn't make very much, so I'd end up working just to pay for the daycare and we'd be no better off than we are now. So what's the point?
I hate that we never get ahead... Whenever it looks like we are about to crawl out of the hole, something drags us back down again.
Its heartbreaking.
Things you can only learn from movies and television...
If I see one more little winky...
right now
Feeling: 
Currently Reading: The New Age Herbalist
Listening To: Vampire Girl From Orn (Emerald Rose)
To Do List: Eat something
Currently Reading: The New Age Herbalist
Listening To: Vampire Girl From Orn (Emerald Rose)
To Do List: Eat something
book of shadows
touch me
thanks