Thursday, Jul. 17, 2003 12:19 pm
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Today is July 17th. Its the 21st anniversary of my father's death. Wow. 21 years. That's a very long time. I imagine he is dust by now.
I can say it doesn't really bother me, that it doesn't affect me. But I think that would be a lie. How many entries have been written about him? I do it often. The truth is, for the majority of my life,, I have deluded myself into thinking his death wasn't important. It didn't affect me. I was proud of the fact that I didn't cry over him, that I (mostly) didn't care. A father? So what. Don't need one.
Until... This year. Until last summer, really. When the witchling, all on her own, began to call James "daddy". Until I saw what life was like for her with James in it. Then I began to think about him. My dad. Now, I cry when my family talks about him. I went to visit his grave, which I haven't done since I was thirteen. The earth didn't shake, the sky didn't fall. It was a bittersweet experience.
I wonder sometimes, what happened to him. If he went on to the summerland; or is he some silly little twenty year old, running aroud. If he was reincarnated, wonder who he has become? Weird to think of him that way. But kind of, nice? Soothing? Its a comforting thought.
I wanted to write a little memorial, a little tribute to my dad... But I have done that quite a few times by now. So I think I will just link a few of those entries where I wrote about him.
Things you can only learn from movies and television...
If I see one more little winky...
Currently Reading: Marya a Life by Joyce Carol Oates
Listening To: Black sleeveless shirt and black pants
To Do List: I could go see his grave today