Sunday, Jan. 26, 2003 4:23 pm
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Wow... my third entry for today. I am pathetic. I've been sitting in front of this screen off and on for four hours. My back is starting to hurt. I should do something. James is going to come home from work and find me in the same place he left me.
I do leave now and then.
I played with Hani.
I made lunch (cheese and crackers)
I let the dog out.
I got dressed.
I put a new bag in the trash bin.
I peed.
See... It was something.
There really isn't anything else to do. Its superbowl Sunday... woohoo.. So I have a choice of the pregame show, the pre-pregame show, and the pre-pre-pregame show.
Yuck. I hate sports. As shown by my fantabulous physique.
The first time D kissed me was Superbowl, Jan 97. Its the only one I ever watched. Boy oh boy was I excited!
I'd had a crush on him for over two years and he chose that day to finally notice me. I can remember it like yesterday.
And even though I dislike him now, for the person he is, I can still remember that kiss, and the person I thought he was. We ended up together because of it. The next day I broke it off with Chris (The old jerk I was dating... I mean what was I thinking... I was 16!!! But that's another LONG story)
So now when ever its SuperBowl Sunday I remember that.
Sort of fondly.
For a second... Till the rest rushes on back.
On the one hand, I can sort of forgive him, he was only 17, immature, and suddenly, an expecting father. But I was young too. And I stepped up to the plate, and did what I had to do. Ok, yeah, not that well. I fucked it up pretty bad a few times. But I was there. Where was he? Nothing changed for him. Grrrr....
Everything changed for me. He was cosily set up in his mom's home, playing video games and flunking school.
I was struggling to finish high school pregnant, on welfare, in a shelter. Damn him. Jerk.
I don't know why I am thinking of this now, maybe its the stupid football game that brought it out.
How can anyone just forget they have a kid? Even though Hani has James now, and it doesn't really hurt anymore, it still pisses me off, you know?
But I am so happy we have James.
He wants to adopt her now that we are married. I am sort of worried that D will suddenly decide he wants to be a daddy and put up a fuss. He's like that. Usually it happens once a year or so, then he ses her and he's gone for another 12 months.
Things you can only learn from movies and television...
If I see one more little winky...
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