On being FAT
Friday, Aug. 22, 2003 4:47 pm
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When I was ten, and just beginning to get a little chunky, a smidge more than just puppy fat, my grandmother pointed at an obviously obese man and said "See that, you are going to look like that when you grow up."

Stuff like that sticks with you, those comments just pile on up. You never forget them the way you do most things in childhood.

Its hard to be fat. Or to be a fat kid. The not so little girl with the pretty face. The token chubby in a t-shirt with a group of bikini clad teens.

Those that think they are being kind are the worst. The ones who say "Do you really think seconds are a good idea for you honey?" or, "You shouldn't wear dangle earrings with your fat neck." And we can't forget "You have such a pretty face!"

I remember being normal.

I remember running and jumping, swimming sans t-shirt. Being young and strong. I remember hide and seek and manhunt on hot summer nights. I remember the excitement after winning a race. I remember long bike rides across town.

I remember the first time I realized I couldn't ride a bike anymore.

I don't remember getting fat.I'm quite sure it was a gradual process, unlike my breasts, which suddenly appeared the summer I was fifteen. But no. To me it seems I woke up one morning and there it was.

Even in my school picture there is an abrupt and drastic change in my appearance. My fourth grade picture is of a normal sized little girl with long brown hair and big blue eyes. My fifth? A chubby girl on the road to fatness with a strained smile and a look of sadness is staring back.

I wonder why sometimes. I don't eat anymore than anyone else. I was fairly active as a teenager.

My gran used to say, almost daily, "I don't understand why you continue to gain weight! You hardly eat anything and we are being so careful!"

It was weird. My teenaged years were full of calorie counting, lowfat and nofat, and sugar substitutes. And weight gain.

I wonder what it would be like to be thin. I doubt I will ever see it but I do wonder.

Artwork © Jessica Galbreth